By: Nick Gibson / @euro_adventures

With great pleasure and happiness we invite you all to join us as our cherished son Aleksey Shved is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.

Jamont Gordon looks like he could take your drink orders at any moment and Nenad Krstic is just bro-ing out in some shredded faders and a Hollister half-button. (It’s pretty chill, I guess.) Viktor Khryapa just puts his hands up in the air sometimes, saying aaayo.

It’s too bad Andrei Kirilenko is donating all of his salary to charity. An envelope that chubby would’ve gone a long way toward the purchase of Aleksey’s first car in a few years.

Now stick around to see whose uncle gets drunk enough to Joe-Namath-on-Suzy-Kolber one of the CSKA dancers.  My bet’s on Mr. Ponkrashov.

(Thanks to ELA contributor Vladimir Spivak for the tip on Twitter at @selloutxboy.)