And now, click ‘PLAY’ and follow along below…
Medal count’s ours, America just beasted
We owned the podium, I think Canada must have leased it.
At times wild, crazy, exciting or controversial
The best part was the Morgan Freeman Visa Commercials.
OK I never dropped an album, I’m a rookie whatchu think though?
If I mind my P’s and Q’s could I go Platinum like Pluschenko?
I say who needs a quad when you got a triple axle
By the way will yawl tell Johnny Weir to give me back my tassle?
Ticks in your hair then you’re gonna need a Lysacek
Feathers on your fingers “Vera Wang, we need a price check”
Tom Hanks is in space, Apollo Thirteenin’
Apollo Ohno’s on the ice, 8 medals gleamin’
“No! Korea wipes out!” here’s to the soul patch.
“Welcome…back…to short track!”
Shaun White busted a McTwist in the Finals
And no that’s not a Twizzler from the drive-thru at McDonald’s
To the artist formerly known as the Flying Tomato
Come chill in ATL and we’ll party with Scotty Lago
Germans lugers always get the best finish times
Even German skaters try and slide across the finish line
Pockets empty, still trying to make a millie though
Hopping side-to-side on the moguls call me Bilodeau
I toss my money up, but I don’t make it rain
With Speedy Peterson, make it straight Hurricane
Spillane and DeMong put the medal drought behind them
Nordic’s like a lunchable, better when you combine them
(gunshots) Biathlon drive-by! We’re under attack!
But in the south we like a lady with a gun on her back
(Sirens) “Now lookie here, Mr. Kramer can you please explain
Why the hell you feel the need to drive in the wrong lane?”
Hmmm, maybe that’s why Shani Davis doesn’t need coaching
Impressed with the US? Wait until you see Sochy
Because you can catch me there right between the sheets
Curling Team USA, swap those tap shoes for cleats
Because we dig in yawl and we hurry hard
Eyebrows arched, call me Cheryl Bernard
Yeah so please don’t curl your stones into my crib
You might call those rings the house, but let’s be clear that’s where I live
Yeah we are so there like Eve Murihead’s Rogue hair
2014: Gibson, Fox, Davis, Colbert
I’m unpredictable, like Norwegian pants
Or John Shuster with the hammer, 10th end France
I think I solved the mystery! Zodiac Killer!
Turns it out it was two men, Bode/Miller
Only way to slow him down: salt the snow with sodium.
Gold , Silver, Bronze so they just let him keep the podium
Spring forward, fall back and change your watches this way.
Always Miller Time so let’s get ready for some kick saves
I’m talking Ryan Mills, goalie Buffalo Sabres
Miracle on Ice the sequel up against our Northern Neighbors
They beat us for the Gold, had some more endurance, see?
But what can you expect with hockey players on their currency?
So here’s what I propose, stay with me, here’s what I’m thinkin’:
Hannah Teter on the $5 and let’s forget about Abe Lincoln.
Kelly Clark don your finest white wig and kick out George Washington
‘Cause he ain’t bustin’ tricks, and if so nobody’s watching him
Mancuso 50, Vonn 100 it makes plenty sense
Don’t tell anybody but Ben Franklin wasn’t even President
Lookin’ for me after hours on the prowl you will not see me
Highlights Factory shotpickin’ sippin’ Flirtinis
LIVE from Syralantacouver this is Freaknick
Costas and Carrillo swore they’d join me on the remix