Freaknick’s FIBA 15: The Durantula and BasketBieber

By: Freaknick/@euro_adventures

1. Lamar Odom’s headband has rendered him incapable of making lay-ups.

2. Fran Vazquez is better than Tyson Chandler. Then again, so is almost everyone.

3. Rudy Fernandez continues to struggle in games coached by Nate McMillan.

4. Derrick Rose would beat you in arm wrestling.

5. Juan Carlos Navarro would beat you in a game of H-O-R-S-E. Or -C-A-B-A-L-L-O. Your call.

6. After trending on Twitter today for the better portion of the game, I have officially dubbed Ricky Rubio BasketBieber. Freak’s Nicknames status coming shortly. And he’s got the hair, to boot.

7. If the NBA thing doesn’t work for Rudy, there’s always a spot for him on Spain’s Just For Men spin-off series, Solo por Hombres. Those blonde highlights were cute as shit.

8. I think the same guy who stole Navarro’s chin snatched about 25 pounds from Marc Gasol while he wasn’t looking.

9. I’m not sure what the +/- was with Jorge Garbajosa on the floor, but I’m sure it would be a great golf score.

10. Once Chauncey Billups, Andre Iguodala and Rudy Gay found out that you could goaltend once the ball hit the rim, they devised a foolproof solution: miss the rim, backboard and net entirely. The world won’t know what hit ‘em.

11. I nominate Kevin Durant and his long ass arms next time there’s a dolphin in need of an esophagus excavation.

12. Russell Westbrook had more offensive rebounds than Lamar Odom and Kevin Love can’t find his way off the bench. Explain this to me.

13. In their haste Team USA forgot to pack oops to go with their alleys.

14. I like Marc Gasol’s new clean-cut look, but I yearn for the Hagrid days.

15. By the end of this tournament, the Durantula will have 22 other teams caught in his web.

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