My mouth opens, and out pours the news that I’m running a website devoted to European basketball. I take a look at the familiar furrowed brow of my audience, and I have my answer ready before the words even leave their lips.
“He’s doing just fine. His team made it to Greek finals and the Euroleague Final Four.”
Pause. New question. Always the same.
“A little under 10 points per game and about 5 rebounds.”
Disappointment. Confusion. That “I told you so” look. Actually, more like that “I would have told you so if anybody had cared what I had to tell” look.
I can’t defend him. It would take too long and I wouldn’t get anywhere. So I’ll just ask you the same thing: how is Josh Childress doing over there?
Ferdinand Magellan. Christopher Columbus. Marco Polo. Vasco de Gama. Lewis and Clark. Slam and Freaknick.
Heresy. Blasphemy. Completely ludicrous, some may say. Well go ahead. Have a chuckle. But before you do, consider the criteria for membership in such a group.
Falling ass backwards into a world of mystery and intrigue. CHECK.
Utter befuddlement upon arriving at this new, strange place. DEFINITE CHECK.
A desperate need for funding (Queen Isabella I: we should really talk about some advertising opportunities). CHECK.
Really, really cool names (OK, so “Christopher Columbus” is a little bland, but the man gets points for being such a textbook example of alliteration). CHECK.
Fearless individuals who dove blindly into unknown worlds that had, until then, frightened the feeble, cowardly souls who had come before them. UM…
No matter how you look at it, since this site sprouted legs and sprinted slowly to what it’s become today, I have gone to bed each night-or early morning-more enlightened than the time before. If you gave me an Etch-a-Sketch, I could map out lines from Serbia to Spain to Switzerland to Slovenia, shake it up, strike it out, and do it all over again—blindfolded. Point being, if the S.S. YOU is anchored to the couch, basketball can be a marvelous way to stimulate the explorer in all of us (OK, that was the cheesiest sentence ever published on Euroleague Adventures). After a life of geographic ignorance, I can now claim reasonable familiarity with nations I used to only hear about when channel surfing past CNN. While my goblet of knowledge is still far from full (this comment not limited to geographical mastery), it’s still mildly empowering to close my eyes, point to a country in Europe, open them and name their national team’s starting power forward. Besides, I bet Magellan can’t hit a midrange jumper.
Isn’t the last month of the NBA season simply riveting? Four to six teams battle it out for a chance to get booted by a top seed in the first round*. Meanwhile, in half-full arenas across the country, teams that threw in the towel some time in January trot out a rookie laden bunch that does its best to keep the losing margin respectable. On the bench, the jammed pinky of an All-Star’s non-shooting hand has sidelined him indefinitely. Maybe he’ll come back this season, but what’s the rush? The upper management watches the losses pile up, but on the inside they are smiling; visions of sugar plums and decorated ping pong balls dance in their mind’s eye. To them, the current season ended a long time ago, but the draft-this phenomenon of sport which rewards the biggest loser with the greatest prize-the draft is but a few months away.
*with the exception of the 2007 Golden State Warriors, who beat the top seeded Mavericks. And there was much rejoicing.
A glance at the sideline during a Los Angeles Lakers game will treat your eyeballs to a cast of characters that would turn any red carpet green with envy. Jack Nicholson takes in the action through dark, bespectacled peepers while a grab bag of others: Mark Wahlberg, Kanye West, Jessica Alba, Snoop Dogg, Leonardo DiCaprio just to name a few.
That’s all fine and dandy. Good for them. Even better for folks like TMZ who have nothing better to do than covertly document the lives of people more important than themselves. Although these faces in the crowd may be convenient cutaways or cute interviews in ESPN broadcasts, there are two things they collectively lack: passion and a united voice. To the chase, I shall now promptly cut: NBA attendance leader last season: Detroit Pistons with 21,877 disappointed fans per game. Now how about the Serbians of Partizan vs. the Athens-based Euroleague champions Panathinaikos last March? You read the headline: a European record 22,567. Oh, and the fans left happy as Serbia pulled off a stunner. Think the crowd noise might have played a role? I’ll shut up now.
In a futile attempt at pacifying their young, mothers across the world frequently remind their children that “It takes 10 times more muscles to frown than it does to smile!” Once the youngster grows older and is more concerned with cosmetics, Oprah would preach that “Frowning causes wrinkles, so smile, smile, smile!” Motherly folk and Oprah alike would surely see their advice confronted and then flattened in the face-or should I say faces-of Sarunas Jasikevicius. Contrary to facial convention, Mr. Jasikevicius actually uses the intrinsic testosterone of his frowns to build muscle, and he has been known to banish wrinkles with the raising of an eyebrow. In fact, the former husband of his Widow’s Peak hairline is not dead at all; he was deathly frightened of Sarunas after coming in close contact with a full-fledged grimace and decided to search for a friendlier forehead.
Joel Freeland will break your teacup on his forehead while Robert Archibald eats your crumpets, and you’ll have no choice but to let them. And like it.
Rumor has it that most history books refused to reference “The United Kingdom” until these two Princes of the Paint finally joined forces with Unicaja Malaga.
When asked why these two had not yet been knighted, the Queen indignantly scoffed that she did not wish to subject her sword to such punishment.
In a recent interview, the Trailblazers’ Greg Oden uncovered the real origin of his knee problems. ”I kept having nightmares that this big British kid-Freeman, or something-would come and steal my spot,” Oden explained. ”Instead of facing that reality, I just faked a limp and tried to lay low.”
Breaking news out of Malaga:Rims and backboards still threatening a strike for the 2010 Euroleague season if severe action is not taken against Freeland and Archibald.
