How Ricky Rubio can make $6.6 million in a week

By: Freaknick

And then, he appeared.

Ricky Rubio.  On my television. In what appears to be his first American television spot since being drafted, Ricky flashed on the screen for about a second in a 30-second Gillette commercial (and boy-oh-boy was it an inspiring second).

At 18, Rubio is anxiously awaiting that first sign of peach fuzz, and until that happens Gillette can plaster close-ups of his silky mug on billboards from Minneapolis to Madrid.

So as Gillette reaps the benefits of puberty’s tardiness, Rubio faces a pricy buyout (6.6 million, soon to be 7.9) from his Spanish team, DKV Joventut, and it’s creativity that will pull him out of this financial rut and get him into a T’Wolves jersey next season.  I put on my thinking cap and came up with a few ideas:

Nutrisystem for Men’s Euro Platinum Edition. The pre-packaged meals designed specifically for European basketball prospects.  We’ll fill out your frame by the All-Star break or your money back!

Survivor Man: Ricky vs. Minny. Rubio (and his mom) are convinced that the Twin Cities boast an arctic climate, and Discovery Channel or National Geographic needs to put together a miniseries documenting his struggles with the chilly walks to and from his BMW.

Brett and Ricky’s Minnesota Magic 8-Ball. Will Ricky play in Minnesota this year?  Will Brett Favre be a Viking? Just shake the 8-ball to find out where your favorite waffling Minnesota athlete will be this season. And remember to check back every day, as the answer is never the same! GUARANTEED!  This year’s hot holiday seller.

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Slam’s Draft Diary Part 3 (The Euro’s Get Picked)

We start off with pick 22, as our 2nd Euro gets drafted:

9:35 – Come on Omri Casspi.  Supposedly the Trail Blazers traded up a couple picks to get Casspi.  Let’s make it happen Kevin Pritchard.

9:39 – Yea sir Victor is going to dominate the league.  Did I say that out loud, but yes he’s going to stay in Europe for a year and come back over.  He is 6’10” and is a PF who can step out to the 3 and dunk over anyone around.  Claver will fit nicely into the Blazers as he, Rudy, and Sergio can go clubbing Spanish style all the time in Portland.  The Three Amigos take over Portland.

9:44 – YEA BABY YEA!!!  As a Jewish American Omri Casspi getting drafted is a dream for all of us Jews.  Omri gets drafted by the Kings and is looking to play right away.  Casspi can run the fast break very well and can finish above the rim.  His calling card is hustle and energy as he will run through a wall for your team.  Let’s hope that translates to a lot of defense.  What Euro’s are next?

Continue Reading…

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Slam’s Draft Diary: Part 1 (The Lottery)

NBA Draft Diary

I managed to do a running diary of the entire NBA draft, 5 whole hours, 2 rounds, 7 cups of coffees, and 1 diary.  Here is the first part as I will release it in 4 parts, it’s very long.  Check out Freaknick and I go at it right after the first round ended on the podcast.

Hello World this is your resident hoopologist Slam checking in with his first of many running diaries.  I’m going to be you analysis on the 2009 NBA Draft, also known from this point on of Draft de Complementary Players.  If you’re looking for a stud in this draft outside of the top 5, then you might as well move along, this draft is tailor made for teams looking for role players.  Now let’s get into some pre-game talk, Stu Scott takes us away.

7:02 p.m. - We just got word the Dick Vitale is going to be making an appearance, everyone get your earplugs out.

7:03 - Who has more hair gel Andy Katz or Rick Bucher?  I say tossup.

OR 

7:06 – John Barr tells that there is “tons of excitement” around the Shaq trade, then why does he sound so unexcited?  Between Shaq, Richard Jefferson, and Vince Carter getting traded I think the most valuable guy is Richard Jefferson.  Shaq won’t be able to have back to back monster seasons and Vince Carter’s greatest achievement is winning the Dunk Contest

7:11 – All the analysts are praising Orlando for getting Vince Carter but doesn’t this mean they can’t sign Hedo Turkoglu?  Hedo was their ball handler in the clutch last year and isn’t he more valuable to the team than Vince “I need my shots” Carter, let’s think big picture here.

7:13 – A camera in the Clippers war room: an inside look on how to screw up an NBA team.

7:21 – Some Ricky Rubio talk FINALLY. We even have an interview EUROLEAGUE BABY.  Let’s rate Ricky: English- C- Style- D Nose- A+.  Ricky loves the beaches in California, is that an open petition to try and be a Sacramento King?  I hope not but Rubio is going to be the funniest point guard to watch for the next 10 years so let’s hope he doesn’t end up in purgatory in Sactown.

7:32 – “New York home of the Knicks and Liberty” thanks David Stern but I think we all agree you can shorten that statement next year. But HERE WE GO, some NBA Draft.  I say Blake Griffin goes one, call me crazy.

7:35 – OO yes a montage of Clippers #1 draft picks, the Kandi-Man made a jump hook, really? They can do anything with video nowadays, the Clippers can’t mess up Blake Griffin, I think.

7:38 – Blake Griffin first pick what? Who? When?  Yes this was a can’t miss pick; he scored at will in college and grabbed rebounds from all over the place.  If Griffin can get a go-to post move and he can be a killer on the fast break, look out.

7:43 – Exclusive Mike Dunleavy interview.  He says “We’re going to look and see what’s the best decision for our team.” I’m going to go with that’s the opposite of what he has been doing since he’s gotten there.

7:45 – Hasheem Thabeet is our 2^nd pick, do I have to wait or say it now: BUST.  As a Syracuse fan I watched UConn all year and Thabeet has zero offensive game.  Yes he can change the game defensively but he is abysmal offensively, think Ben Wallace but with injury concerns cause he’s so big.

7:52 – NOOOOOOO… Continue Reading…

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